The Capitalist God’s Ten Commandments

in Opinion/The Nonagenarian’s Notebook by

The first version of this satiric parody was written nearly two decades ago by Brian Arden, while he was a member of the board of the Manitoba office of the Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives. 2018 revisions and updates by Ed Finn.

1. Thou shalt honour Me as your one true God and have faith in my religion of neoliberalism, globalization, free trade, and private ownership.

2. Thou shalt accept the impoverishment of the many and the enrichment of the few, for in my religion avarice is to be valued over social and economic equity, and competition over co-operation.

3. Thou shalt not oppose the decline of democracy. I will permit you the illusion of democracy. You may still vote for and elect parties that purport to be different, but since they now all bow down to Me, it matters not which forms the government.

4. Thy governments shalt provide my loyal corporate minions with ample grants and subsidies, and overlook their excesses in the noble pursuit of profit.

5. Thy governments shalt not tax my corporations beyond the limit of their tolerance, for the taxation of wealth and profit is the greatest evil. Any government so rash as to break this commandment will feel my wrath as I devastate its economy by relocating factories, jobs, and capital to more devout and compliant regions.

6. Thou shalt not hamper my corporations with restrictive rules and regulations. They must be allowed to treat their employees as they see fit, limitlessly exploit natural resources, and dispose of their toxic wastes and emissions without regard to the environment.

7. Thou shalt halt the excessive and unnecessary education of your youth. Education instills unreasonable expectations that could lead to clear and critical thinking. I require citizens who are docile and easily indoctrinated. You must therefore make your education system less accessible to aspiring students and more susceptible to corporate influence. This will include the incorporation of these Commandments in the school curriculum.

8. Thou shalt eliminate all barriers to the privatization of your public programs and institutions, including education and health care, so that corporations will be free to deliver these services on a profit-making basis.

9. Thou shalt endure without complaint the social costs of adherence to my Commandments, which put the rights of the rich and powerful above those of the less financially endowed majority. The strong must be free to flourish and the poor and weak allowed to succumb to poverty, hunger, and homelessness. This is the ideal society that my commandments are designed to create, and in which my corporate followers will best be able to thrive.

10. Thou shalt obey these Commandments without question, knowing that they have been passed down from on high to my apostles on Wall Street and Bay Street, and to my loyal mass media owners. The private newspapers and TV-radio stations have been entrusted with the crucial task of spreading my neoliberal free-market doctrine far and wide. Henceforth, you must believe everything they tell you, because you will know they speak for Me, your omniscient and omnipotent Capitalist God.

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