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RDF

in Featured/Skewed by

This summer’s mantra was supplied by my friend, Krisha. “I will not complain about the weather. I will not complain about the weather. Goddamn weather.”

I love that. I also love that we had some glorious sunny days recently. When it comes to weather, I’ve got the memory of a goldfish. When it’s sunny, I completely forget about the Groundhog Day-like 11 degree grey days.

Every cloud has a green lining

When it’s miserable, I see potential. In all the cold, grey, dampness, I see a boatload of unique marketing opportunities.

It’s hard to sell our wonderful outdoors as a vacation spot if it can’t be seen through the fog. “Bring your woolies and your wellies” while practical advice this summer, isn’t really a siren call to tourists. So perhaps we should try to lure people who will appreciate our moody weather.

There’s a whole section of the film industry making Jack the Ripper style horror movies. We could give them authentic sets without a dry ice machine in the house. Foggy, drizzly, and desolate streets – we’ve got that. Eerie and ethereal – we’ve got that too. Just add a caped lunatic and a Victorian vixen and presto a genuine 19th century misty creep show.

Not mauzy, but gauzy

Our weather doesn’t have to be scary though. It can be introspective and moody. Anyone looking to film quiet, pensive, emotional dramas a la Bronte on the Moors need only head to the isthmus. Characters can break their hearts, go mad, and alienate themselves in the mystical wisps and whorls of genuine NL fog.

Special effects departments can pack light for shoots. Even the make-up artists can relax a bit. With all the nice cold temperatures and the damp everyone’s cheeks will be al rosy and dewy looking and perfect for atmospheric English drama.

So let’s turn the other cheek to the weather. Complexions may be another marketing avenue. I would call it Living Spa. Just go outside and expose your traumatized skin to our moist environment. There are no toxins in our air to interfere with dermal repair.

Bring your derma to Terra Nova

To those with sun ravaged faces, come to our island. (Labrador, you seem to be having too tropical a summer for this strategy.) Let our breezes dapple your skin with mist to restore your youthful glow. Walk near the sea for a salt air treatment. Let your skin relax and rejuvenate in our consistently sunless and moisture rich environment.

Looking for thicker more untamed hair? No problem. A few minutes in our damp and breezy atmosphere and your hair will be fuller, poofier and better conditioned than ever. Brittle hair and split ends could be a thing of the past. A little RDF treatment will give your locks that windswept natural look.

We could offer a Freedom From Sunglasses Vacation. Take those pesky things off your face and let your pupils dilate safely in our ultra filtered sunlight. Corneas never had it so good.

To those people with a vitamin D overload, this is the place for you. You can spend all day outside with no need to worry about absorbing too much (or any for that matter) vitamin D.

Sail away but not too far

We’ll have to promote boat tours as being ‘authentic seafaring experiences’. Sightseeing really lacks pizzazz when your field of vision is limited to the edges of the boat. Tours could be ‘navigational adventures’ where tourists get to see what being out on the open water in crappy weather is actually like. There won’t be much to see, but what a rush!

An enterprising local designer could make Fog Gear – Blend in or Stand Out. Jackets could come in Gentle Fog Grey so you can enjoy near invisibility on our streets. On the other end of the spectrum you could have shades such as Beacon – colours so bright your visiting friends will always be able to locate you as you lead them along Duckworth Street. Rubber boots and handbags decorated with misty, obscured NL scenes would be the perfect accessories.

This year’s hot new colour – grey

Cars named after NL places could come with horns that sound like this. Bars could offer fog themed drinks like The-Hand-in-Front-of-Your-Face shooter or the It’s-not-the-Cold-it’s-the-Friggin’-Damptini.

Restaurants could serve Fog Fries – you can’t see the chips for all the gravy. Everyone could make a variation of pea soup.

Chocolate that’s been forgotten for too long doesn’t have a white bloom, it’s enveloped in a fog coating. See how well this could work?

Our awful, I mean challenging summer weather doesn’t have to be the rain on our parade. It can be the reason we take our parade to the stadium and call it a Travelling Musical Sideshow Experience. RDF shouldn’t be dampening our spirits; it should be filling our pockets.

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