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A Phone Call from Astaldi

in Satire by

[Rome, February 2013]

“Yes, hello, hello, Terra Nova? Hello! Newfoundland and Labrador, it is Franco Astaldi, returning your call. Si, calling from Roma. Buongiorno! How can I help you?

Our bid for the hydro dam is low? Hey, you crazy, you wanna a higher price? No, seriously we are having a sale this month on gianormous concrete dams. Si, this is true. Look I tell you, in confidence, Si, those other bidders, they don’t know the secret: we continue building when it snows by working under giant dome, is like magic igloo. Hey, and if there a problema down the line we make adjustments to the billing, no biggie. Do we know snow? Hey, I grow up in Torino! Labrador same thing, no?

SNC-Lavalin, yeah, I know these guys, you crazy? Libya, Gaddafi, the whole deal. We were there building a highway, they were working with Muammar’s kid on the Libyan space program. Good times. Connections between Italia and Terra Nova going waaaaay back hey, Giovanni Cabboto, when he is running from his creditors, boom bam, his ship goes right into Terra Nova. It’s fantastic. Giovanni, he will be first image on the fresco.

The fresco? Across the top of the dam, history of Terra Nova industry … Cabboto, Reid Railway, Labrador Liner Board, Churchill Falls, Sprung Greenhouse, all there, great story. Design Italian advantage, si? Ferrari, Lambourgini. Italian Futurism, there was nothing like that anywhere. Carlo Astaldi? Mio fratello, Carlo my brother, si? No, I handling all his files now, he is tied up with a project in Turkey, gianormous bridge. But there are problema so they tie him up. Everyone on and on and on about “Young Turks” but let me tell you Terra Nova, the “Old Turks” are the ones that can give you problema.

Hey, why not you come visit Astaldi Offics in Roma. You like pasta? In Roma it is the best pasta, Sugo all’amatriciana, cacio e pepe, this is not Peter’s Pizza my friend. Hey, we go visit some guys at Vatican Bank, they take us ‘round the back way, I show secret Catholic relic, big toe of Saint Paul. This is going to be fantastico!

You a gonna love this dam we build you. Fantastico, Terra Nova, fantastico!”

 

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