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Classic @dril Posts Rewritten in the Rhythm of “Eleanor Rigby”

in wordplay by

It’s pretty straightforward:
Tweets are rewritten as verses of hit song “Rigby.”
Don’t groan—it’s funny!

1.

About that past tweet
One small correction: we need not give plaudits or praise
To ISIL’s cruel ways

2.

It is the weekend 
You and I know that precisely one beer will suffice 
“911? Need advice!”

3.

Driving while drunken
Kills many people, but then it helps others commute
Good? Bad? Can’t compute

4.

Please help me budget
My family is dying, I keep buying candles online 
(that part is fine)

5.

Persecute Jared? 
Just ’cause he’s different? Is that what we’re doing? I see 
(girls get mad at me)

6.

“Your problem’s simple:
You’re perfect, the envy of all,” my therapist tells me 
I say, “I agree”

7.

I’m heavy-hearted
Once again it falls to me to convey this tidbit
Celebs are at it

8.

Repeatedly I state
“No one has owned me, not once, even since I was born”
(I’m a cob of corn)

9.

Girls on here always
Eagerly admonish posters that they think “man splain”
But what of “man’s pain?” 

10.

“Check this out, losers” 
I rev up my bike, disappear in a big cloud of smoke 
Behind which I croak

11.

Inscription “R.I.P.” 
On headstones exempts those interred there from recruitment for 
The skeleton war

12.

I twist a big knob 
It’s labelled “racism,” I turn back and peer all around
Approve of me, crowd

13.

I know the smart way 
To call out the bullshit endemic in society 
I do it for free

14.

Plenty of carols
But only one song about boys returning to our town
That makes me frown

15.

He speaks most sagely: 
“‘Twixt good things and bad, a distinction’s inadmissible. 
Moron. Imbecile”

BONUS: a @leyawn classic 

Socrates lectures
Darryl, his friend, gets worked up, is aggressive and rude:
“Fuck him up, dude”

Follow Kirsten (@kirstenmorry) and Felix (@flglmn) on Twitter.

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