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The Power of Positive Thinking: Gordon McIntosh Edition

in Satire by

[DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction.]


Newfoundland and Labrador Premier Dwight Ball sits at his desk, leaning back in his chair. His Chief of Staff, Greg Mercer, sits opposite.

Dwight: I think this is the way to go, I was comfortable with Gordie. I miss the guy.

Greg: Yeah, he has a way of explaining issues that, I dunno, makes me feel good.

Dwight: Power of positive thinking.

Greg: Tom Osborne is really into that too, you know, visualizing outcomes to make them happen.

Dwight: I’m picturing Seamus driving up to Confederation Building with a big truck load of federal money. What are you seeing, Greg?

Greg closes his eyes and ponders for a moment.

Greg: Hot turkey sandwich.

Greg opens his eyes.

Dwight: Dressing?

Greg: Ya knows.

Dwight: All about the dressing.

Greg: So we are hiring Gordie as… some kind of consultant?

Dwight: No, Nalcor is.

Greg: I’ll call Brendan Paddick, give him the news.

Dwight: Yeah, don’t mention this to Stan Marshall just yet.

Greg: Okay.

Dwight: I know Stan is a top man in the field but he does have a way of making a fellow feel dim.

Greg: I hear you.

Dwight: No worries this is going to look like more cronyism?

Greg: “I Am In Blood Stepp’d In So Far”

Dwight: Wha?

Greg: In for a penny, in for a pound?

Dwight: Right, gotcha. And, I mean, everyone deserves a decent job right?

Greg: Absolutely, Premier.

Minister of Natural Resources Siobhan Coady enters.

Siobhan: Wassssup!

Dwight: Wassssup!

Greg: Hello minister.

Dwight: You look tired, Siobhan.

Siobhan: I was up all night worrying about the price of oil.

Dwight: Ever try Zaleplon? Lights out, Sister.

Siobhan: Thanks for the tip, Premier.

Dwight: Greg and I were just talking about how we are bringing Gordon McIntosh back in the mix.

Siobhan: That would be nice, he’s always made me feel optimistic about things.

Greg: We’ll get Nalcor to hire him.

Siobhan: I know nuth-zing, I hear nuth-zing.

Greg: Sorry?

Dwight: Sergeant Shultz, Greg b’y! “Hogan’s Heroes”? That’s a good imitation, Siobhan.

Greg: I’m sorry, I don’t know what you are talking about.

Dwight: It was a television show. Before your time I guess.

Minister of Advanced Education, Skills, and Labour Chris Mitchelmore enters, clicking his heels. Salutes.


Dwight: At ease, Chris. What can we do for you?

Chris: I just got off the phone with Judy, Mr. Premier.

Dwight: Yes?

Chris: She’s heard about this new consultancy position and is wondering why Carla wasn’t considered.

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