If you’re the gambling type, I suggest you invest in agave plantations. With Sheila Fraser retiring, I see a lot of tequila in my future.
Our straight-shooting, courageous and morally reliable Auditor General has served her 10 years and I’m awfully sad to see her go. She was the one person in Ottawa I believed without question. I trust and admire her. Now she’s leaving and I’m bereft.
Welcome to my fantasy island
So I’m pulling out the big guns … Ricardo Montalban and Esther Williams. This situation calls for some serious camp. “Baby it’s Cold Outside” from the movie Neptune’s Daughter is just the goofy resist and cajole kind of music I need.
It’s a martini-swilling, fur-stole-shouldering good time to help ease the loss of a fine woman. So with the Esther/Sheila part in italics, and Ricardo/us responding, lets start singin’ and feelin’ swell again.
How could you do this thing to me
I really can’t stay. But Sheila it’s cold inside.
Retirement’s underway. But the Blues will get bold inside.
My 10 years have been We’re hoping that you’ll stay in
So very nice. And watch for blatant federal vice.
My children will start to worry. The house will be sound and fury.
They’ll wonder if I’m closing the door. We need someone who’s steel to the core.
So really I’d better scurry. We need you to ease our worry.
Well maybe just one quick audit more. You know how to even the score.
What would the next AG think? But Sheila it’s bad in there.
If I hung around like a stink? There are people in such despair.
I wish I knew how The G8 report’s due now
To break this spell. Who’ll make sure cats all have a bell.
I ought to say no no no sir. Who else can smack down those who misquote her
At least I’m gonna say that I tried. Our brand new Speaker comes from the Tory side.
I really can’t stay. Sheila don’t hold out
It might get cold inside.
Bringing it home
I’ve got to go home. Are you sure we’re prepared out there
I’m leaving this job alone. But what if we’re scared out there?
It’s really been grand. There’s no one to hold our hand.
Don’t you agree. Who could we trust to oversee?
There’ll be a new day tomorrow. Will we be in financial sorrow?
You’ll have a new AG on your side. They won’t be you no matter how hard they tried.
I really can’t stay. But how can we hold out?
The House is so cold inside.
Hand me a tissue, please
It’s sad watching one of your heroes move on. It’s like seeing a For Sale sign hanging on the Batmobile or Wonder Woman’s lasso in a museum. It was hard watching Nelson Mandela retire from politics. Saying goodbye to noble, visionary, brave people is always difficult.
Ms. Fraser’s successor has a tough act to follow. If he/she is just a fraction as honourable, we’ll be in good hands. If the next AG is lively and ready for action, there might even be a show tune in his/her future.